Loud Puking.


One thing you may not know about me is that I am a very loud puker. I also almost never get sick. Last Winter however, I got a real bad virus for a few days and spent 2 or 3 days puking and shitting non-stop. Luckily my roommate Brendan was kind enough to record some of my puking. After Hatebreed heard my vocal skills via this video, they offered to let me fill in for Jamey Jasta on their next full length but I had to turn it down because I’m too busy running Surfing Beans.

The Story Of Poop Girl.


For this surfed bean I want to go back in time to 2004 right after I moved to NYC. This chick in the story was actually the first girl I hooked up with after moving to NYC. And she was a fucking cunt.
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Classic Cats: Cat Sliding Into Box.


As long as we’re talking about classic cat videos, this one needs to be mentioned. Best part is at 1:11 where, after sliding head first into a box and getting suck he tries for like half a second to get free, then pretty much resigns himself to being stuck with a box around his waist for the rest of his life and starts to walk away only to ATTEMPT TO SLIDE INTO ANOTHER BOX! Solid proof cats are retarded. This cat is so damn cute and fat he could do pretty much anything and it’d be appreciated though to be honest.

My College Roommate Part 2.


(This isn’t the roommate in this story, it’s my current roommate, Brendan. They kinda look alike and are both roommates though so it works, kinda)

My second college roommate was this dude I met because I would see him riding around campus. I think he and I were the only riders who went to ULowell at the time. He seemed nice, and he was a flatlander, which was fine by me because I’ve always been into riding flat ground and curbs. He was pretty quiet at first, but real friendly. Our riding sessions would often just consist of he and I working on hang 5’s in this parking lot for a couple hours at a time (he could do them kinda, I was hopeless) but he would also come ride ledges and the pre-fab skatepark, Hadley, with me.
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My College Roommates Part 1.


(The above photo isn’t Frank, it’s just what came up when I Google image searched “lame dude”. He was a lot uglier than this guy too, maybe I should have searched for “ugly dude”. Next time)

I went to college. I mean I tried to go to college. I didn’t want to really, but when I graduated high school (which was no easy task for me) my Mom asked me what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I don’t remember what I told her but my actual thoughts on the matter were “I want to ride my fucking bike and bang hot chicks, mom”.
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The Best Abortion Ever (That Might Not Have Even Happened).


(This isn’t the girl from this story, but I didn’t want to use a photo of her. Oh and she wasn’t an amputee either, but that would have been cool)

Let’s go back in time to the Winter of 2006. I was staying in Pensacola, Florida for about 2 months with my friend Evan Butts. I had moved to NYC a year earlier and wanted to spend the Winter in a warm climate, so Pensacola it was. There’s not a lot to do in Western Florida, and I didn’t have anything to do anyway so I pretty much rode by myself every day, hung out at Barnes & Noble reading books and then went and rode more with Evan when he got off of work. I wasn’t Straight Edge anymore at that point but I wasn’t really into drinking yet and Evan had a girlfriend so I didn’t have anyone to really go out and party with or anything. I put in some work meeting girls on Myspace though and managed to succeed once or twice.
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Fun With Life Vests.


One thing I used to be really into was stealing life vests off airplanes. Most people don’t know this, but if you reach under your seat on a plane, there’s a life vest down there. Usually you have to unhook a strap or pull a metal compartment open, but it’s under there. And since there is no reason anyone would ever have to steal one (unless you owned a rival airline maybe), there is nobody paying attention to see if you take them. Read the rest of this entry »

The Time A Girl Accused Me Of Rape.


Listen, I may be many things… rude, mean, seriously lacking in compassion, overweight. But one thing I’m not is a rapist. Or so I thought. Walk with me. Read the rest of this entry »

The Modern History Of Cats.


One reason I really wanted to start Surfing Beans is because of cats. I used to post videos of cats all the time on The Come Up and they’d often get 100+ comments both from dudes who love cats and dudes who just wanted to see BMX ┬ávideos and thought I was a total queerdo for wasting their time with all these kitties. As TCU got bigger and bigger, I felt like it wasn’t really the place to post cat related content anymore. Why did I feel such a strong urge to post cat related videos anyway? To explain how that makes sense, I have to explain my relationship with cats. Read the rest of this entry »

San Diego Part 4: I Hung Out With A Girl Who Didn’t Even Exist.


On November 30th, 2009, I got played. Well, kinda. I had been posting on b9board.com a little, when I received a private message on the board that said simply “would”. The poster’s name was “I have a vagina” (really). I replied simply, “Facebook or GTFO”. She replied with her Facebook. Her pictures were sort of out of the ordinary because most of them didn’t show her face, or they were of a group of people taken from a distance. Regardless, the ones in which you could get a decent look at her, she looked hot. I added her and we started messaging me back and forth rapidly. Within an hour, I had given her my number and she was texting me more candid photos of her, as well as straight up telling me she wanted to bang me.
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