One thing you may not know about me is that I am a very loud puker. I also almost never get sick. Last Winter however, I got a real bad virus for a few days and spent 2 or 3 days puking and shitting non-stop. Luckily my roommate Brendan was kind enough to record some of my puking. After Hatebreed heard my vocal skills via this video, they offered to let me fill in for Jamey Jasta on their next full length but I had to turn it down because I’m too busy running Surfing Beans.
Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category
Loud Puking.
March 10th, 2010My College Roommate Part 2.
December 27th, 2009
(This isn’t the roommate in this story, it’s my current roommate, Brendan. They kinda look alike and are both roommates though so it works, kinda)
My second college roommate was this dude I met because I would see him riding around campus. I think he and I were the only riders who went to ULowell at the time. He seemed nice, and he was a flatlander, which was fine by me because I’ve always been into riding flat ground and curbs. He was pretty quiet at first, but real friendly. Our riding sessions would often just consist of he and I working on hang 5’s in this parking lot for a couple hours at a time (he could do them kinda, I was hopeless) but he would also come ride ledges and the pre-fab skatepark, Hadley, with me.
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My College Roommates Part 1.
December 24th, 2009
(The above photo isn’t Frank, it’s just what came up when I Google image searched “lame dude”. He was a lot uglier than this guy too, maybe I should have searched for “ugly dude”. Next time)
I went to college. I mean I tried to go to college. I didn’t want to really, but when I graduated high school (which was no easy task for me) my Mom asked me what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I don’t remember what I told her but my actual thoughts on the matter were “I want to ride my fucking bike and bang hot chicks, mom”.
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Fun With Life Vests.
December 23rd, 2009
One thing I used to be really into was stealing life vests off airplanes. Most people don’t know this, but if you reach under your seat on a plane, there’s a life vest down there. Usually you have to unhook a strap or pull a metal compartment open, but it’s under there. And since there is no reason anyone would ever have to steal one (unless you owned a rival airline maybe), there is nobody paying attention to see if you take them. (more…)
The Time A Girl Accused Me Of Rape.
December 22nd, 2009
Listen, I may be many things… rude, mean, seriously lacking in compassion, overweight. But one thing I’m not is a rapist. Or so I thought. Walk with me. (more…)
San Diego Part 4: I Hung Out With A Girl Who Didn’t Even Exist.
December 22nd, 2009
On November 30th, 2009, I got played. Well, kinda. I had been posting on b9board.com a little, when I received a private message on the board that said simply “would”. The poster’s name was “I have a vagina” (really). I replied simply, “Facebook or GTFO”. She replied with her Facebook. Her pictures were sort of out of the ordinary because most of them didn’t show her face, or they were of a group of people taken from a distance. Regardless, the ones in which you could get a decent look at her, she looked hot. I added her and we started messaging me back and forth rapidly. Within an hour, I had given her my number and she was texting me more candid photos of her, as well as straight up telling me she wanted to bang me.
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San Diego Part 3: I Puked From Weed.
December 22nd, 2009
I’ve smoked weed occasionally ever since I was like 16 with a brief intermission from the age of 18 to 21. I’m honestly not that into it. A lot of people smoke weed and get chilled out and can go about their day. I usually get incredibly lazy and just find myself wanting to eat insane amounts of food. I’m definitely not the kind of person who can smoke, and then have a good day, the few times I’ve smoked in the AM hours, I’ve pretty much hated my life afterwards. I would say that at most, I smoke weed on average once a week, usually at night a few hours before I go to sleep, and I almost never buy it. (more…)
San Diego Part 2: We Beat Up Black People.
December 22nd, 2009
One day at around 2 PM we went to a spot by the water in downtown San Diego to ride. It was a chill manual pad type deal which you could session for hours. We all rode it for about 20 minutes, mostly doing manual lines. At some point though, Alex Platt got into a conversation with these 4 black dudes who were seated on the far side of the spot on a bench. I wouldn’t describe these guys as “homeless” but they were definitely “poor”. All wearing big Winter coats despite the sunny weather, all drinking in the middle of the day and most of them had bicycles (typically when a grown man is riding an old beat up Toys R Us bike, it means he’s got something wrong with him). (more…)
San Diego Part 1: We Hung Out With The Worst Girl Ever.
December 22nd, 2009
A few days prior to leaving for SD, I had started talking to a girl by chance, who lived 10 minutes away from Hoang. She looked pretty good on Facebook and while she seemed like a total bitch from the start, I figured it was worth investigating. She really wanted to hang out, so I told her to come pick us up the second night we were in town. She showed up with a friend in tow, which was good since I was joined by Kyle and Alex.
Allow me to explain these girls. (more…)
