Did she really invent an entire new last name because of her appearances on this site? She texted me a bunch of times while she was in NYC a few weeks ago, first asking for my roommates number (which she definitely already had) and then asking for a kid she knows I don’t like’s number (even though they are Facebook and Twitter friends). Attention whore much? I told her I was only interested in talking to her if she was trying to do a photo shoot for my Surfing Beans fans. She seemed down but was kind of bitchy about it, so it didn’t pan out.
Archive for the ‘Girls’ Category
Desiree Elyda Villalobos.
June 19th, 2010A Public Viewing Of “Reverse Bukaki 7″.
February 3rd, 2010
About a year ago I happened to be at my friend Scott Marceau’s house with a couple friends and he suggested we all watch a porn he had on hand called Reverse Bukake 7. Many of you probably know what a bukake is. It’s where a woman lets dozens of men ejaculate on her face. A reverse bukake apparently consists of a man letting dozens of women ejaculate on his face. I didn’t know it, but Scott set up his camera to film the entire viewing and it recorded our discussion. At about the 5 minute mark I begin to realize that the women are not actually ejaculating, but urinating on the man. At 5:30 I state that no homo, but the guy is in really good shape.
Guest Blog: The Lady & The Cat.
January 16th, 2010
Any of my readers who know anything about BMX will know the name Kelly Baker. Kelly is a legend in BMX not just for his riding but also the drinking, fighting and mayhem that he was often shown involved in in the old FBM videos. But Kelly is no dummy. In fact he’s a super smart guy and a respectable family man. However behind any good family man, there’s a torrid past filled with debauchery. And with that, I present to you, Kelly Baker’s first surfed bean.
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The Story Of Poop Girl.
January 13th, 2010
For this surfed bean I want to go back in time to 2004 right after I moved to NYC. This chick in the story was actually the first girl I hooked up with after moving to NYC. And she was a fucking cunt.
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Guest Blog: London Girl.
January 13th, 2010
So this is the first, of presumably many upcoming guest blogs here on Surfing Beans. I have many crazy stories, but this site won’t last forever just feeding off of my experiences, so I have reached out to some of my associates who have also lived exciting lives. My first story is from a friend of mine who will remain anonymous about a girl, and yes that really is her up there. Let me know what you think of this story in the comments too, thanks!
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Desiree’s Rebuttal.
January 9th, 2010
It may surprise you to know that even after posting these blogs about Desiree, she still keeps trying to talk to me. Yesterday she called me probably 30+ times. She has emailed and texted me over and over too, even telling me that she would like to hang out again if I go back to Vancouver. Yesterday after posting part 2 however, she wrote me an email telling me to “get my facts straight” regarding these blogs, claiming what I was saying was inaccurate. All her points can be chalked up to my forgetfulness, me leaving out certain details for the sake of brevity, or her just being totally full of shit and making stuff up. Regardless, here’s the email. Her quotes are in bold. If she wants any further rebuttal I’ll be happy to post that with my response as well.
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The Desiree Story Part 2.
January 9th, 2010
Last time I ended the story with the idea that I might have actually developed feelings for this girl, but it’s not that simple.
NOTE: She’s been harassing me asking me to remove the original entry. Sorry, no dice. But, I removed her last name from the initial entry and didn’t include it in this one. I don’t feel bad about telling the story of our time together, but I would feel a little bad about her future employers reading these blogs when Googling her name.
The Desiree Story Part 1.
January 6th, 2010
This is a story about love. Well, no. But it’s a story about girls. One girl in particular, a girl who is a bit of an internet legend in her own right even though right now she is still just 19 years old. Now to be sure she’s no Cingy Margolis, Howard Stern’s “ass girl” or even a Boxy, but she’s got quite a bit of myth and legend surrounding her regardless. That girl is Desiree.
Boobs Falling Out Is Awesome.
January 3rd, 2010
Seeing boobs online isn’t hard. I could literally see billions of boobs online right now, some bigger, better and more consensual than the ones in this video. But somehow the fact that this girl clearly didn’t want anyone to see her boobs makes this video way better. Is that wrong? Is it a sign of some sort of primal rape instinct instilled in me? I can’t call it. The fact that this chick can’t manage to get her boobs back in her shirt for almost the entire performance really does a lot to enhance the enjoyment of this one too.
My College Girlfriend.
December 30th, 2009
(Note: This picture isn’t her. I want to use a picture of her so bad to show you how smoking she was, but somehow, some way, I bet she would find this blog and despite the fact that we don’t talk anymore and it wouldn’t affect me in a negative way, I would feel bad for her so instead, here’s a picture of something really creepy that came up when I image searched for “pretty girl”)
In the Summer of 2003, a friend of mine told me about this website. It was called makeoutclub.com. It still exists. It was a hipster/scene/hardcore kid dating site. It was pretty low tech even for the time, but one time when I was over his house he showed me his profile and it seemed like a decent way to meet girls so I signed up. Then I forgot about it immediately after and didn’t look at my profile or think about it for the next couple months.
Note: This is a long story. It’s actually really a bunch of stories mixed together throughout the year that we dated, culminating in the most epic, horrible post-break up story ever.
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