A few days prior to leaving for SD, I had started talking to a girl by chance, who lived 10 minutes away from Hoang. She looked pretty good on Facebook and while she seemed like a total bitch from the start, I figured it was worth investigating. She really wanted to hang out, so I told her to come pick us up the second night we were in town. She showed up with a friend in tow, which was good since I was joined by Kyle and Alex.

Allow me to explain these girls. The first one, Ashley, who I had met online, had a smoking body. Really good body, there’s no denying that. Very thin, B cups, she was dressed pretty well. Her face was sort of questionable. I wouldn’t call her ugly, but she wasn’t exactly pretty either. She had a weird chin to be honest. I mean not super weird, but kinda weird. I’d post a Facebook picture of her but she already deleted me.

Her friend was hot though. I can’t remember her name so I’ll just refer to her as Rapunzel. She was insanely skinny, like legitimately one of the skinniest girls I’ve ever seen, but she still had pretty decent sized breasts. Her face was pretty. Her hair was cute and she had tattoos and piercings, which is fine, except she had one piercing that was a HUGE plug the size of a bottle cap under her lip. I am sort of indifferent towards piercings but this thing was seriously huge. Regardless, she was hot enough that I would have eaten her shit given the chance.

Anyway they pick us up and it’s pretty awkward right from the start because they aren’t talking and seemingly have no personalities. They are both vegan and Straight Edge. Which is alright I guess, but typically alcohol and drugs help bring people to life a little bit. These girls probably could have injested 10 8 balls and still would have been boring as fuck. Fortunately we ran over a skunk 5 minutes after hitting the road and the entire car started to smell super bad which was hilarious. They had to pull over and they bought a bunch of air fresheners to deal with the scent, which went away pretty quickly. We all smoked a joint that Alex already had rolled while they bought the air fresheners, and the girls were clearly not impressed. The entire situation would have been fucking horrible if Kyle wasn’t cracking jokes a mile a minute the whole time.

We went to their house and proceeded to be really, really bored for about 20 minutes. Then Kyle luckily suggested we go to the store to get beer. The girls seemed reluctant to even have beer in their house (seriously? SERIOUSLY?) and claimed nobody had ever drank alcohol in their apartment before (what planet am I on again?) but walked with us to a CVS. Kyle and Alex bought a bottle of cheap vodka and I bought a 12 pack of PBR’s, then we walked back. We all went to work. Alex and Kyle were going back and forth slamming shots of the vodka, all while sipping on beers. I only drank like 6 beers, but I did so within the span of like 50 minutes, so I was feeling pretty good too. The girls put in a Seinfeld DVD (which apparently is how you party when you’re Edge, vegan and have no soul) which was at least slightly entertaining, but we were seriously over it and all pretty fucked up within an hour. We all went outside so Alex and Kyle could smoke cigarettes, and pretty soon we brought up the idea of them driving us home. Reluctantly, they did so.

On the way home we figured we might as well go for the gold, so we all cracked beers and started smoking weed in the backseat with the windows up. Amazingly we smoked a spliff in the backseat, a foot and a half away from them for like 2 or 3 full minutes before they even noticed. Then they noticed the open beers and got even more upset. By that point we were almost home. As we unloaded out of the car, I said goodbye to the girls and half heartedly told them we should hang out again, before Alex decided to stop being polite and start getting real. I think his quote went something like this:

“Girl in the drivers seat with the tattoos… you’re cool. Honestly, you seem like a nice person. But you… blonde girl. You fucking suck. You are the most miserable person I’ve ever met in my life, I hope you die you fucking cunt”.

The way he said it was seriously beautiful. He was just so sincere, and I think we all agreed that the world would be a better place if this girl, did, in fact die in a fire.

The fact that Alex said that was pretty funny, but how she responded was even better. She took her seat belt off, winded up, and punched Alex as hard as she could in the arm! It was so fucking funny. I mean she was a 130 pound girl (at most) so it didn’t hurt him, but just seeing her get that fucking mad was seriously amazing. Alex laughed and got out of the car and we stumbled into Hoang’s house and went to bed. Ashley, the assailant, texted me later telling me Alex was a dick and asking if I wanted to hang out the next day. I said “to be honest, none of us liked you at all. We’d chill with your friend though“. She responded something like “fuck you” and that was the end of it.