On November 30th, 2009, I got played. Well, kinda. I had been posting on b9board.com a little, when I received a private message on the board that said simply “would”. The poster’s name was “I have a vagina” (really). I replied simply, “Facebook or GTFO”. She replied with her Facebook. Her pictures were sort of out of the ordinary because most of them didn’t show her face, or they were of a group of people taken from a distance. Regardless, the ones in which you could get a decent look at her, she looked hot. I added her and we started messaging me back and forth rapidly. Within an hour, I had given her my number and she was texting me more candid photos of her, as well as straight up telling me she wanted to bang me.

As a heterosexual male, I thought this was cool. The thing is, she said she lived in Ohio. She repeatedly asked me if I would be in Ohio any time soon, and I said definitely not, I’ve never been there and going to that arctic tundra of a state during the Winter months doesn’t sound fun. She seemed bummed and said she goes to NYC sometimes, so maybe we would hang out soon. I said okay. But the texts didn’t stop. She kept hitting me up, sending me more and more photos (no n00dz, sorry) and saying more and more graphic sexual stuff. She also made it clear that she really didn’t like me that much, and didn’t understand why I “get so much ass” (her words). She would always ask me to send pictures of my dick (GTFO) and wanted me to sext with her. I definitely don’t take dick pics, and sexting is just stupid, so she got pretty frustrated.

A few days later, I left for San Diego. I had texted back and forth a little bit with this chick (who for the record, referred to herself as Selena Rosati), but nothing too crazy. Really why would I bother texting a girl who I’m not going to get to hang out with for 4 months minimum, regardless of how hot she is? She clearly sensed that I wasn’t that interested, and that seemed to bother her.

So she calls me once I’ve been in SD for a couple days and tells me that she has a friend in LA with courtside Lakers tickets, and that she wants to fly into LA, pick me up in SD (a 2 hour drive), then bring me back to LA to go to this Lakers game. I give absolutely no fucks about basketball, but I know that typically the dudes who sit courtside are Jay Z, Spike Lee and uh, actual pro basketball players, so I was down. I asked how the hell she had enough money to fly to LA on 2 days notice for no reason, and she said that her trust fund had just come in and that she was just really eager to see me. How could I argue with that?

Finally, on Wednesday she flys in to LA. She texted me as soon as she landed and said that she was going to go to her ex-boyfriend’s house to borrow his car. I was like “your ex-boyfriend lets you borrow his car to drive hundreds of miles to hang out with other dudes?” and she more or less just said “yeah”. Fair enough. But then all of a sudden, one of my texts went un-answered. And then it’s 5 PM and she still hasn’t let me know that she’s driving to SD. I text her again asking if she’s coming and she doesn’t respond. Weird. She texts me later that night and just says “I’m drunk”. I definitely thought this was a weird set of events, but whatever.

Thursday was the day of the supposed Lakers game. I woke up to a text that said “get up lazy, you’re going to the Lakers game with me”. I responded “okay, come get me”, to which she responded “I will, I’m shopping right now”. I texted something back and she didn’t respond. Then she texts me again late that night telling me how great the Lakers game was, and letting me know she sat next to Jack Nicholson. She even posted a picture of her feet on the Lakers court. She also said she was coming to San Diego to throw a big party at her friend’s mansion on Friday, so even though she had so far fucked up 2 planned hang out’s in a row, I figured that she would be in SD the next day, so all I’d have to do was get the address and get Kyle or Hoang to drive over, so we would finally hang out despite what a flake she was being. I told all my friends in SD about the planned mansion party and they were all super excited to rage with a bunch of hot, rich drunk girls, drink their beer and probably steal their purses.

Friday rolls around and it’s raining. We all spent the day sitting around watching movies, smoking weed and awaiting this party. This time she didn’t stop answering my texts, she just was really weird and vague and wouldn’t tell me where she was partying. I can’t even begin to describe how bummed this made Kyle Hart. He wanted nothing more than to go rage at this girl’s party and cause mayhem, but instead due to a combination of this chick’s flakiness and the rain, we ended up all sleeping by 1 AM.

At this point, I was over it. If she wanted to come to me, I probably would have hung out with her, but I wasn’t going to put any more effort into it. The next day was the weed cookie story that I wrote about earlier, so I was KO’ed for a large part of the day, but I woke up to a text from her that said “I better see you before I leave California”. I didn’t respond. It would be the last time we exchanged words.

I got home to NYC a few days later and despite having a full day’s work ahead of me, managed to sneak in an hour nap. I awoke to a text from my roommate saying simply “dude, you have to read the B9 board right now”. I typically only read the B9er when I’m incredibly bored, which isn’t often, so I asked why, and he specified one thread in particular. It was already 20 pages long (which is really long) and I read the first couple pages. The issue at hand was that one dude who posts on the board had been talking to a girl for a while who he met on B9 and that he basically had concluded based on a bunch of evidence and failed attempts to hang out with her, that she didn’t really exist and was a girl pretending to be someone she wasn’t, using another girl’s photos to lead him and a few other male posters on. I asked my roommate why this was relevant to me and he told met to skip to page 10.

I wish I had saved it, but a guy I know a little bit named Dan had written a long post about Selena describing how he talked to her on Facebook for over a year, racked up a 2000 dollar phone bill talking to her and wasted hours and hours of his band’s time while they were on tour driving from place to place attempting to meet up with her. Even after he stopped talking to her, he said that dudes he would meet on tour would come up to him and let him know that they were talking to his ex-girlfriend and that they hoped he was cool with it.

Holy shit. It all made so much sense. A bunch of other dudes had all been led on in the same way, and we all began to share stories about the things that she had told us (one dude told me that she had talked about me a ton and told him that I was a loser for refusing to send dick pictures or sext with her, lol). I immediately went to look at her Facebook. It was deleted. She had sent me a Photobucket link full of photos of her. That too was deleted.

By the time I had time to read the thread again (it had reached close to 30 pages at one point) it was already deleted by one of the B9 mods, not sure why. I’m also not sure how to end this story. I guess what I’m most curious about is what this girl’s motivation is in doing stuff like this. Does she get off on pretending to be a rich, high class, globe-trotting trust fund kid? Does she enjoy being able to socialize with guys who probably wouldn’t give her the time of day otherwise? Is it just some sick mission to get dick pics out of dudes in bands? I’m not sure, and chances are we’ll never know.