Listen, I may be many things… rude, mean, seriously lacking in compassion, overweight. But one thing I’m not is a rapist. Or so I thought. Walk with me.

Let’s rewind time back to 2005. I was living in Queens, playing poker full time for a living (there existed a time before The Come Up, shockingly) and due to a series of injuries, was barely riding BMX at all. Another thing I was doing besides playing poker, was meeting girls on Myspace. And then if possible, banging them. So I met this girl named Jaci. She lived in New Jersey and went to school in Manhattan. She was kinda cute. She was really short, maybe like 5′2” but she had a pretty face. She wasn’t fat but she was sort of “stumpy”, like she just sort of had a weirdly thick build. Which was weird, because she told me she was a personal trainer at a gym in New Jersey. But I have seen some people in pretty horrible shape work at personal trainers before, so whatever.

Oh and she was a hardcore chick, which will matter in the story soon. Anyway we talked for a few days on Myspace and then I offered to meet her in the city after school one day. She said she had to go in to SVA to do some stuff on a Saturday morning but that she’d be down to hang out after. So I went there and met her and we ended up walking around Manhattan for a few hours talking and I think I bought some CD’s or something (this was 2005, CD’s still existed then). We hung out again a few days later and ended up back at my apartment. This is where it gets a little weird:

We start messing around. Kissing, breast touching, all that shit. One thing in particular that I remember was that she had this really irritated patch on her hip from her belt buckle. She said she has allergic reactions to metal (really? metal?) and that it wasn’t that big a deal. I found myself wondering why she didn’t get a belt buckle made out of something besides metal or a belt that used some other locking mechanism. Regardless, she was weird to mess around with because she wouldn’t really make any moves on me. Like she was letting me touch her all over and was making out with me the whole time, but she didn’t seem like she was really enjoying it all that much. How much a woman enjoys sexual activity is usually not highly correlated to how much fun I’m having though, so I didn’t give it much thought.

So we started having sex. I strapped a condom on and put it in. I have had sex with girls with tight vaginas before, but this was different. This was like the tightest vag known to man, it was like it was carved out of fucking stone. I put it in for maybe 2 minutes and she seemed like she was kinda enjoying it, but she still seemed kinda indifferent. I slowed down and asked her “are you sure you want to be doing this?” And she said “yeah” but she seemed like she wasn’t into it so I stopped and we kinda laid around messing around for a while longer. No nut was blown. I walked her to the train and although it was kind awkward, I didn’t think it was too big a deal.

We hung out again a week or so later (I’m giving more detail than you’ll need to understand this story but I want to make this complete), which consisted of her taking the PATH train in from Jersey, watching some movie with me and falling asleep in my bed for a while (no sex was had). She asked me what train to take to get home while I was sleeping and I muttered “just take the R train towards the city”, forgetting that the R train wasn’t running late night at the time. She sat there waiting for the train for over an hour before realizing while I slept comfortably. Pwned.

The final time we hung out she came over my place in the middle of the day on a weekend about a week later after she did something at school. We hung out for a while and got food I think, then had sex again. This time the sex was more official than the first time and she seemed more into it. Ejaculate was produced. She had to go after that so I walked her to the train.

We continued to talk over the course of the next few months via AIM, Myspace and even publicly on the B9 Board. At some point she began dating a dude who posts on B9 named “Lumbergh” (that’s his messageboard name, not his real name) and we ceased communication. Which was fine with me since I was over it, but at one point Lumbergh said something to me in a thread on the B9 like “I’d like to knock your fucking teeth out”. Now, to be sure, a lot of people have experienced feelings of anger towards me due to my antics on that board in 2003-2005, so I didn’t do any detective work to figure out why he would feel that way.

Fast forward a few more months. I was hanging out with another girl named Katie who knew Lumbergh. I mentioned that he apparently had some problem with me, and she said that she would talk to him and find out why. She asked him, and he said that Jaci had told him that I had raped her. Apparently she told a lot of other people about this too. Lumbergh had just stopped dating her, and told Katie that he felt bad about threatening me and after getting to know Jaci, no longer believed her. I decided to confront this girl head on (or as head on as you can confront someone on the internet) by posting a thread on B9 entitled, infamously, “attn: stay_gold” (I probably should have mentioned this earlier but that was her name on the board, it would later lead to many jokes such as “stay_raped”).

I basically laid out my whole position, which was that her and I had had consensual sex and that no rape took place. I asked her what reasoning she could have possibly had for making such a harmful accusation? Was she trying to impress her boyfriend? Did she feel guilty about having what she may have considered promiscuous sex with me? I just wanted to know.

Of course, the whole board exploded since her and I were both well known posters at the time. Everyone wanted to hear her side of the story and the pages racked up quickly. I think around page 20 she finally entered the thread posting her full side of the story, which was entirely fabricated and culminated with a quote something like:

“You can all make jokes about this all you want, but you don’t know what it’s like to have a guy as big as Adam on top of you refusing to take no for an answer”

My mind was blown. I re-thought the times we had hung out over and over. Was there something I had missed here? Did I somehow rape her without knowing??? Obviously that’s impossible, but her story about the supposed rape was so in depth that it had me second guessing my actions, trying to figure out if there was any time where anything I did with her could have been construed as inappropriate in any context.

Aside from my own confidence in my innocence, I had a few things on my side (everyone on the board was rallying behind me anyway because I was in-real-life friends with so many posters on the board):

1) I had started the thread. If I had really committed the rape, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to draw attention to the rumors she had started.

2) Testimony by at least 3 girls who posted on the board who had had intercourse with me, that I hadn’t done anything inappropriate in my time spent hanging out with them.

3) Numerous male posters who had dealt with Jaci in the past posted claiming that she was a pathological liar and constantly made things up for attention or otherwise. A few mentioned stories of her accusing other guys of raping her.

4) Links were posted to threads in which Jaci and I engaged in friendly banter on the messageboard after the supposed rapes took place. Granted, the behavior of a woman after being sexually assaulted isn’t exactly predictable, but most readers refused to believe she would have light hearted conversations in a public forum after being raped.

5) Lumbergh posted claiming that Jaci was, once again, a liar, and claimed that she had engaged him in a bizarre web of lies ultimately culminating in her driving 8 hours to another state to have sex with another male poster from the board (this is all sounding a little bit incestuous isn’t it?) behind his back.

6) I repeatedly request that Jaci report to the nearest police station and report that I raped her. Rapists belong in jail right? Of course many rapes go un-reported, but I was confident enough in my innocent to repeatedly request that she report me, which may have made me seem even more credible.

7) My roommate at the time had been home on both occasions that we had sex, and his room was located adjacent to mine. He posted stating that he could attest to there being no noises that would indicate anything non-consensual occured.

Ultimately nobody took her side… even her real life friends seemed unwilling to vouch for her sanity. Jaci, who had previously been a frequent poster on the board never posted again. Many people since have told me that they have seen her at shows in the area, but I personally haven’t ran into her although I’m not sure I would know what to say to her if I did see her after all these years. Anyway, for most men, being falsely accused of rape is a horrible experience that can ruin their reputation, cost them thousands in legal fees and may land them in jail, but for me I would have to say that it was overall a very positive experience. Viva la fake rape.

Fun side note: After the supposed rape took place, Jaci became a Red Bull girl and I saw pictures on Edwin, Vinnie and Lil Jeff’s Myspaces of them partying with her at that Red Bull street contest in Jersey a few years ago.