One thing I used to be really into was stealing life vests off airplanes. Most people don’t know this, but if you reach under your seat on a plane, there’s a life vest down there. Usually you have to unhook a strap or pull a metal compartment open, but it’s under there. And since there is no reason anyone would ever have to steal one (unless you owned a rival airline maybe), there is nobody paying attention to see if you take them.

As a result, I would often fly somewhere and go out of my way to pack light to save room for life vests and steal as many as 10 at a time (I only did that once, usually I’d take 2 or 3). What did we do with them? Nothing really, we just thought it was funny to have them and we’d throw them in our closet or convince a drunk girl over the apartment to put it on so we could pull the string and watch as it exploded. It was funny to do this, because once you pull the string it blows up so big that it’s really uncomfortable. They’re also pretty thick so you need a knife or something pretty sharp to pop it.

My roommate Dietrech however, really pushed the limits of the life vest trend though. He had a girl staying with him at our apartment in Astoria named Laura. Laura was in her late 20’s, from Finland and she was pretty hot. She visited from Finland to hang out with him a few times, and one time he talked her into a threesome with he and I, I think, but it never happened. Anyway one time while she was visiting he had the brilliant idea to slip one of the life vests into her panties while she was sleeping. He then pulled the chord and it exploded, driving her underwear up and giving her an unbelievable vaginal wedgie. How he was able to get this photo before she pulled it out, I don’t know. I don’t think it injured her or anything but she wasn’t stoked.

The best part about this story is that someone probably died in a plane crash as a result of not having a life vest to keep them afloat once the plane landed in the sea. All so I could write this humorous blog 5 years later.