Any of my readers who know anything about BMX will know the name Kelly Baker. Kelly is a legend in BMX not just for his riding but also the drinking, fighting and mayhem that he was often shown involved in in the old FBM videos. But Kelly is no dummy. In fact he’s a super smart guy and a respectable family man. However behind any good family man, there’s a torrid past filled with debauchery. And with that, I present to you, Kelly Baker’s first surfed bean.
Years ago I was seeing a chick. She was super hot, was always up for getting down but was super dumb. At the same time I had this kick ass little cat. He was such a great little animal. Everyone loved him. He was so smart and he would play all the time. For some reason he hated this chick I was seeing. We would sitting on the couch and he would run up on her hissing and scratching at her quite often. One night we were sitting watching a movie. This little dude jumped up on her lap and started to chill. We thought that he finally was getting used to her. The little shit turned his ass to her and shit a turd right out on her lap. I cleaned it up and apologized many times saying that I didn’t know what is up with him.
One night dumb hot chick and I got busy and fell asleep in my bed. We woke up in the morning and I turned to her to give her a good morning kiss. She had shit all over her face, smashed in her hair and packed in her ear. The little fucker shit on her pillow and she rolled her head in it all night long. Needless to say she was very pissed. Once again I told her sorry many times and I yelled at the little fucker. Didn’t matter, she had enough and stormed out the door after wiping some of it off. A couple days later my dick and gens itched so fucking bad. I got looking and the dirty bitch gave me crabs. I was mortified and pissed. It made me think that my awesome little cat knew she was a dirty bitch right from the start. After shaving all my hair and doing tons of laundry I bought some sardines and gave them to my little buddy. As he ate them I apologized to him for being pissed and told him I was sorry for doubting him. I miss that little dude.
First I watch a video of a dog sensing an earthquake 20 seconds early,now a cat that can predict crabs in your future?
Pet Animals are a must.
LOL
lmao
LOL great story! I cant believe she slept with shit on her face. that dirty hoe!
how about the time you almost killed a few of us at the fbm 10 year by rolling the truck in the ditch when you missed the turn by 5 yards
once i read the line “and I turned to her to give her a good morning kiss. She had shit all over her face, smashed in her hair and packed in her ear. The little fucker shit on her pillow and she rolled her head in it all night long” …i fucking burst out laughing and had to collect myself…..baker you’re a fucking legend!
Hahahahahaha! Love it!
Hell yeah. Pets know whats up.
fuck yea albert street!
hahaha nice kelly..cats rool!
ya cats rule show a pic of your dick or it didn’t happend!!!
I swear on my childrens eyes that it happened. The cat’s name was Gnarly.
what happened to the cat?
NEVER trust a chick your typically-friendly pet dislikes. It’s clearly a sign.
short but sweet
Was gonna say the exact same thing.
cats are a waste of time
Posting negative comments about cats is a waste of time
your sister was a waste of time
hahahaha
fuckin priceless.
deah!!!!
thats awesome…not the part about the crabs but the fact that the cat was smart enough to shit on her pillow knowing she would roll around in it….i have so many good stories i could post on her…ONE STORY IN WHICH CHRISTOPHER LONG PICKED UP A PILE OF SHIT AND THREW IT AT ME AND FEW OTHER PEOPLE.
hey baker. u should tell em the one when u and kim screwed the girls in the tree house while skippin school and some class mate stole there shoes. a K.B. SHOW classic!